It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
