You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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