She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
