shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
