My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
