haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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