I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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