:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
