just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
