He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
