I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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