a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
