Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize