At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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