it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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