well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
