So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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