her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
