just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
