What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
