I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Banned from zoo.
Again?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
