in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So many bounce houses so little time
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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