I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
