When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
