he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
