and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
