A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
