I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
