I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
