after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
