If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
