1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize