So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
