I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
