I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This house was built for laser tag.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize