Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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