Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
