sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
