dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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