She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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