It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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