who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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