Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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