It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
