I love black thongs
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my being single is dangerous.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
