Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
