Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
