So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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