I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
