I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
