If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize