Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
