it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
