I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
