She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
