On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
