I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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