My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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