I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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