he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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