he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
