Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
