You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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