Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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