Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
