i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
