drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
