Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
