everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
