so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
