ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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